Friday October 4, 2013

So I’m sitting on my fourth airplane in 24 hours. Thankfully I dont have anyone sitting next to me, which makes for a much more pleasant flight. The international flights were not too bad….much more room than I’m used to.

I don’t think it’s hit me that I’m in India. To be fair, the last 20 hours we’ve been traveling with the moon, so I haven’t actually seen any of India yet.

I was so overwhelmed with logistical details of work leading up to the trip, I havent spent much time considering why I’m here. But don’t get me wrong, the past four weeks have been profoundly significant and affecting. The Lord has not been modest in his directions to me. but I feel unstudied…unprepared…and majorly out of control. Ive been told more than a dozen times how the Lord has me exactly where he wants me. Now whether that is a cliche response or a thoughtful and intuitive observation, I don’t know. I am resting a bit in my heart of obedience to whatever this trip may hold. This is not my natural disposition, so I feel incredibly grateful for this supernatural peace.

Saturday, Oct 5

It’s 6:30am…. the first day of ministry. Last night we had an orientation and got to meet Rajen and Kachan and hear about their work in North India and the reasons we are here to help their ministry. Their passion for the people is palpable and magnetic. Our translators also came and everyone was introduced and had an opportunity to get to know each other. My translator was the only one unable to attend. I am suppose to meet him this morning and have the 10mile bus ride get to know each other before we begin! Just another blatant reminder to depend on the Lord….despite comfort, despite preference, despite planning and preparation….despite all of my expectations of how each should look, Jesus comes in, flips the tables and reminds me this is HIS work, HIS business, HIS kingdom. Ill be honest, I’m having a little trouble with this one! Praying to make me less…

“I identified myself completely with him. Indeed I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no loner important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not “mine” but it is lived by faith im the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that.” (Gal 2:19-21 MSG)

Saturday, Oct 5 PM

today was definitely challenging. this was the first day of complete ministry I felt very unprepared. There is not a single doubt in my mind that i’m exactly where the lord wants me to be. but have i allowed the Lord in? I’m unsure. And unfortunately, when i’m unsure i isolate and over analyze. I definitely feel like I got in way… like I got in the way of these sweet people encountering God. But it’s not about me, it’s not about me, it’s not about me….but how do I get out of me? What now?

Sunday, Oct 6 AM

what does this new day hold? how do I get out of the way and let God be God? how can i better serve and obey?

Sunday Oct 6, PM

Lord help me with my unbelief-

This mornings commute offered a couple of opportunities to speak with my teammates, to have my convictions confirmed and our hearts encouraged. It is more and more evident to me what the body, the church, community is for. What The Lord reveals to me may be completely separate and unique from what he is revealing to others, but we ALL need to hear. When I am weak, others are strong. When I cannot hear, they can and will. We all need each other- the hands and feet- to tell of all The Lord has done and is doing.

Today we went to the sewing center. The second generation of students graduated today and we were there to celebrate with them. They arranged a whole performance for us and it was so Indian and so lovely! :).

This relaxed time in the morning gave me an opportunity to continue to pray and ask The Lord to 1. Remove my ego and 2. Help my unbelief.

Finally, by lunchtime, we started off in our groups. A couple translators were not here today, so we grouped up. Two of my teammates and two translators, the five of us, went to the first home. Everything I struggled with contexualiIng yesterday was worked out in front of me. The way to introduce, the way to transition, the way to present… All of the puzzle pieces. Three women and two young children heard the truth of the gospel… And they all believed. So my heart was encouraged… And I had these logistical pieces as helpers. So the next house we walked to, my two teammates encouraged me to take the lead. I expected to be able to do this on my own with my translator… Certainly not in front of my teammates!!! In the few moments as everyone got settled, I prayed over and over and over, let me let you be bigger than me…. Help me with my unbelief….

So I began the best way I knew how… I began with my story… I told about my sadness, my rebellion, my wandering… And ultimately the change of this past season. And maybe for the first time, I wove the thread of my testimony into the tapestry of the kingdom of the Jesus Christ. To make myself one of many… A laborious blend, grown, sheared, combed and spooled….a carefully chosen color, soaked and dyed, hung and dried…. placed and sewn specifically and intentionally into a patch and block of the endless, tangible scroll of life. But no more or less important than the millions of other threads in the tapestry.

And then the heavens split open and God showed up in a huge way. In full awareness of my redundancy, I will say again how gracious and kind God is to show up in the middle of my doubt, explode my cynicism and speak to me in way I cannot explain away! I wouldn’t believe me if I told me this… But in awe of the power of the God who created the heavens and the earth, i will boldly proclaim that I saw a miracle today. ad i don’t mean a common grace miracle. I’m talking full out, praying in the power of His name, physical and spiritual healing. WHAT? Listen, i know what you’re thinking….like i said, i wouldn’t believe me either. In a way, i can relate to the disciples after they saw Jesus ascend into heaven. They go to tell their friends….i can imagine it going something like his…”no really guys, i’m not even kidding. I SAW him! no seriously, he was like….right in front of me! this is totally insane…am i going crazy? (omg i probably sound really crazy…is this what Jesus was talking about? that we didn’t understand? wait….) I just realized something! This is what he was talking about the whole time! Did this just happen? no seriously…i totally saw him!”

Guys…today, i totally saw Jesus healing the sick through the host of imperfect prayers of his children. my stuttering and stammering and broken translation, praying in doubting confidence for the healing of this woman’s body who had just heard the name of Jesus for the first time only moments before and believed not only in his sacrifice for her life, but in the power of his name to redeem her, heart, soul, mind and body. And with my eyes closed, my hesitant prayers raised with the Hindi prayers of our translators, and my arms supporting the weight of her body, I SHIT YOU NOT, i literally felt the sickness leave her. it felt like a massive wave hit her petite body, slamming and knocking her off balance into me, leaving her shaking and trembling from the terrible, incredible cleansing trauma.

Three generations and all present members of their family professed their belief in this God who saves, who forgives, who loves and who heals.

are…you….kidding….me??

One of the translators reminded me how we are so hesitant to ask The Lord for healing….we say “if it is your will”….but IT IS GOD’S WILL THAT WE BE HEALED- physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally….. whether it be on this earth or in glory, So pray in confidence of his power and commit our lives into his hands. one of many testaments of truth and faith from our Indian partners.

this is crazy talk i know. but i was there. i saw. i felt. i heard. and i cannot keep from proclaiming the works of my Lord and Savior.

“i will not go back on that.”

help me with my unbelief, indeed. done and done.