my immediate response to finding and reading a new blog:

“ooooo….talk to me….”

my typical response about two lines in:

“you’re dumb…. next…”

so despite the fact that i mentally process via written (typed) word…despite the fact i’m a terrible verbal-communicator (SQUIRREL!) and can sometimes only find my voice by digging through the word-vomit……despite the fact i often send unsolicited email novellas (of above mental processing/projectile verbage) to a handful of unfortunate witnesses…

despite ALL of these things, i’ve refused to blog.  because I’m a critical, impatient ass, I expect proverbial-you to be too.

but i’m working on engaging the world around me instead of just the world in my head.  so if only one person happens to read this (hi mom), awesome… remaining anonymous would actually be awesome.  but if someone else, by any number of unexpected avenues, happens to intentionally step into my written heart and mind, i very nervously and insecurely welcome you.  and give you this totally obnoxious and probably unnecessary disclaimer:

I don’t claim authority on anything i think.  i don’t claim to be humble, compassionate or kind.  i don’t claim to be right or healthy or balanced or fair.  i don’t claim to have anything…at all…figured out.  in fact, i’m a mess.  i’m opinionated about things i’m ignorant about.  i don’t like to capitalize or use punctuation, i depend on spell check more often than i should and i overuse my favorite adjectives.  i’m judgmental and cynical and self-absorbed.  I don’t return phone calls and I often retreat into isolated busy-ness and non-social numbing.  i also have a tendency to self-depreciate to infinity.

i’m just a big kid with a big heart and a bicycle with a broken chain for a brain.  sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. but…”Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 from The Message)